Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize