..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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