i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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