my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
