She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
