i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
