I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
