Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
