My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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