I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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