I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
