i don't plan on having that self control this summer
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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