so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
