Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
