She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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