I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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