Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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