Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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