No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
