I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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