I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
