I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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