Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
