Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
