Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
