you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
