she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize