Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
