Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize