Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
