you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
this hospital has no fireball
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
