the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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