It's Friday. Sex?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
