the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
