Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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