I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
