...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
