Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize