I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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