5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
