I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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