I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet he comes in French.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
