she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
