Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
