saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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