he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize