I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
