thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize