I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
smell my finger.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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