we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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