At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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