I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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