after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize