Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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