You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
