i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
