we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize