Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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