i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
