I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
