Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
