the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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