she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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