I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
