so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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