You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
