I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
