hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
