A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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