look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
