My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
