Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
