I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
