I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
