We're like a lot better than the average bears
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
