I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
