Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize