She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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