I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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