Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
