Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
