You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
