Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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