Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
