your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
