just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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