Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We need a shit load of segways right now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
