i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
