So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
