She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
