what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize