So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
