When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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